I saw you that day
though I never said a word
watching you sip your coffee
paging through a paperback
as if you forgot where you left off
and you sighed once
stretching legs long into the aisle
nearly tripping an unsuspecting woman
who shot you a look best left un-described
I saw you look out the rain-soaked window
through the slats of the mini blind
a sun breaking through the mist
casting jail-like stripes across your face
with little dots of raindrop shadows
like teardrops
illuminating the pain in your eyes
You resumed your reading
tucking your legs neatly under the seat
of the cane-back chair
though I swear you never saw
the death ray stares of the woman
you nearly felled
because you turned the pages of the book
without any knowledge
You finished your coffee
pushing the china white mug
to the edge of the table
dropping the spoon inside
and I heard the rattle of bone and metal
but I know you didn’t hear
You stood up
tucking the paperback under your arm
part-opening your black umbrella
looking neither right nor left
as you crossed the damp tiled floor
to the double doors
and freedom
I saw you that day
and walked away before you saw me
never wavered
never looked back
but still I saw you that day
though I never said a word
ktn © 2013
34 comments:
This is intriguing. I really want to know more!
dang...really a superb write....so smooth a flow of thought and image...i was watching him too...and i wonder at him...how we became so detached...or maybe comfortable in him own space...the stripes was a great touch too talon...
I love the images. I realized at the end I was visualizing everything in black and white. I've had an experience like that, in my case it was seeing a former lover and watching, never betraying my presence, like a creep lol. I love the way the repetition of "I saw you" gains emotional intensity through repetition.
Wonderful details here. A fine beautiful write.
what CAN one say? (to such as the subject of your very nice poem)
The look best undescribed is the genius of letting the readers sub conscious associations mingle with your work and become co-author of the experience you are giving them. Many little touches of metaphor...all with a gentle, masterly voice. A real pleasure to read your words.
ALOHA from Honolulu!
Comfort Spiral
~ > < } } ( ° > <3
Talon....
Your Muse has returned with a vengeance !
And you have certainly awakened from your slumber.
Holy Cow !!!!
Love the stripes as Brian mentioned. Perfect imagery. Love the whole story feel to this. Nicely done
Awesome. Only a poet could make such a moment come to life the way you have.
Sounds like the perfectly self-absorbed person. Maybe that's why you decided not to say a word. LOL
Your ability to create mood through the most refined details is so very good, Talon. I love this poem.
I am undecided as to whether the underlying feeling is defiance or regret.
An excellent write indeed.
Amazing header of the Osprey! Wish my cam could zoom so well-
Must've been a really good book! Sad to not want to be seen, n nosy to be spying so closely... Must be a secret admirer!
People watching can be just like that - I can just see the whole thing. Beautifully written.
Amazing so full of emotions, pain, I too would look away, but he's never around anymore
do love that heading
*sigh* you write sooo beautifully! I feel kinda sad after reading that...but a good sad!
C x
Obviously YOU are the watcher. At least I would be the watcher. It is a passion of mine to observe others. This was chillingly wonderful.
So felt. In the detail of the descriptions of all that you observe is the heart of one who feels what they see. Wonderful.
If I could do it all again I wouldn't change... much...
Talon - you have a beautiful blog. I came to it a week ago without the time to comment and was taken with your header. This one is new and equally as poignant.
I love the detail in your poem - you placed me "there" in it. I heard and saw everything. It was wonderful.
I can picture the scene as if I'm the one watching the oblivious party. I like how I can read it and put anyone in the shoes of the subject...someone from my past, someone who interests me but I do not know, etc. And never saying a word...
Yes, very smooth, seamless words. You've captured this telling moment so well.
Atmosphere is all in the details - and this is full of both. I would change nearing to nearly, but that's all I would even consider altering.
A beautiful flowing poem--you pulled me right in with you-such excellent attention to the detail, sounds, light--loved this! Thank you very much for your visit, too :-)
A strong, mysterious poem of the human condition, Talon--leaving us with all the good questions to ask ourselves, and all the associations of our own your words pull up.
Excellent prose.
Now this, I can get and understand.
perhaps the next time she will see him
Wow. (And, I love the header--I have a similar photo with a hawk circling above and I wrote the affirmation we learned fear and doubt, we can unlearn fear and doubt...that is why I love visiting your site...your words invite me to unlearn so much--definitely meant as a compliment!)
I feel as though I just read the first chapter of a novel and then the novel would begin again without this part explained and this introduction would emerge about 2/3rds of the way through and make perfect sense.
Yes, I want to read more.
So much emotion found here in such precise, compact expression
Thank you
Oh. My. God. Who was he??!!
I am loving how your writing is taking lots of cool chances and totally succeeding at blowing me completely away. This one was almost a lullaby too, soothing in the story unfolding.
Simply a waft of wonderful poetic updraft Talon Dear. I enjoyed the trip with you today!!
xoxoxoxo
Oh, and don't worry about me not posting. Very busy of late. In studio Monday, all day photo shoot at Kalyani's yesterday, plus eBaying. Life is full.
Wonderful narrative voice in this poem and I LOVE that you stopped where you did leaving it to the audience to decide all the unanswered questions.
Were the jail cell shadows with teardrops a hint at the narrators intimate knowledge or simple perception for one...just wonderfully and MASTERFULLY done.
A beautifully written, emotion-packed poem. Exquisite detail. Well done, indeed, Talon.
"casting jail-like stripes across your face
with little dots of raindrop shadows
like teardrops
illuminating the pain in your eyes"...compassionate observations... sometimes even if we could say something, it is kinder not to.
OOh dear, I felt the bruises of pain on this piece. very sadly romantic
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